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Miss Essex : come friendly bombs |
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I recently had a dream in which I believed scud missiles would miss Essex because of the wonderful work of our boys in blue - that's right, the Royal Air Force. In my dream, I looked out of my window of my Essex home where it was snowing very heavily. However, as I stared at the snowflakes it became apparent that they were actually silver foil Christmas decorations in the shape of snowflakes, drifting heavily to the ground. I realised that the pieces of silver foil were chaff, dumped by aircraft intended to confound a scud missile attack on Essex by jamming their radar guidance system, and causing them to miss their target. I ran with my family to the courtyard, where we hid amongst a formal arrangement of rose bushes, deafened by the sound of wailing air raid sirens. The courtyard in my dream was in itself odd, being a mixture of (i) a school in London where I once witnessed a burglary with my girlfriend as we stood helplessly watching from a nursing accommodation block (ii) a decrepit old English holiday camp that had closed for the winter (iii) the home that I lived in between the ages of three and eleven, albeit empty of furniture. The missile attack was avoided by the skilful use of these silver foil countermeasures. However, now that I am awake I ask myself whether I really want a missile attack to miss Essex, or to paraphrase John Betjeman, Come friendly bombs and fall on Essex. Apparently though, Betjeman didn't live in Slough, so he was quite safe either way, whereas I really am in for it if the Scuds come. I also worry a little about the environmental impact of chaff. |
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